Doubt is an assassin…
like an infection, finding its way into the place where joy, creativity, and vulnerability are brewing within me.
If we are not dedicated to a desire and present to the evolution of that desire, doubt often hijacks the mind and invokes a self-defeating response.
When this occurs for me, I stop sharing, creating, speaking and showing up. I retreat to the safe, quiet, hidden place within myself where criticism can only find a way through from my own mind.
The only expression from this sacred sanctuary that doesn’t cripple me, becomes my writing. I dare not open myself to become a target to those who cannot understand the magical world I experience as an empath, feeler, healer, intuitive, and seeker.
I covet the mystical experiences I live and receive, trading them in for a better fitting box so the world around me can relate and I can then blend in… going back to sleep.
Then, once I have molded myself back into this state of complacency like a frightened chameleon, I wait for the sign to come back out into the world.
The sign is a craving within my soul, a deep knowing that staying small, hidden, scared, and safe is not what my higher self has designed for my life.
Something interesting happens every single time I default into a process of shrinking. A small grain of courage grows through the wall of my protection, it reaches for truth, vulnerability, and authenticity, reminding me hiding is not my true nature, it is my cycle of doubt.
When this courage emerges I must act quickly; only seconds remain before the tenacity of the moment drains completely out of my body…. removing any sign and taking with it the potential to show up fearlessly once again.
“You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”
― Benjamin Mee, We Bought a Zoo