This is the second part of this five-part series, going a little deeper into the ways we unconsciously block money from coming into our lives. In lesson #2 we go into beliefs about debt.
We know the common beliefs we hold such as what is right from wrong. We may also have some beliefs about what we think we are capable of or not.
The beliefs we will discuss here are the deeper feelings within the subconscious mind, held toward debt and owing money.
Debt is an opportunity to discover more emotions and beliefs, it tends to carry a intense association since we project the belief that debt and owing is bad…. so then we feel bad about having it.
Client example: Charlie’s desire to get rid of his debt
Charlie felt horrible that he was hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. He wanted to pay it off and let money in. I asked him to reflect upon the following:
- Describe the CURRENT feelings you have towards the debt
- State whether or not you are paying on any of the debt now
- Share the first thought you have when you think about your debt
- Explain any self-talk you have about the debt
- Specify how did your parents felt about money + debt when you were 6-12 years old (most impactful feelings or memories from this time)
- Tell me about your personal relationship with your parents
Charlie’s responses to the Statements
The current feeling toward debt: I am so angry that this is here, it overwhelms me and I shut down when I start to feel the anger.
Am I paying on it: No, not all of it there are a few companies involved in the accumulation of the debt. I defer payments; putting it off, and pay the minimums on some which are not making any progress at all.
When I think about it: I had to think about this, I realized the first thought I had was “I am a failure”.
The self-talk when paying: I don’t know how to fix this, I can’t even tell my wife how bad it is, I am so angry I let this happen…how could I let this happen?
Parents: Dad worked all the time, he was always mad, angry, stressed out, and on the road. When I did see him he was drinking and kind of checked out. Mom did the best she could but she was also angry and resentful that he was never home and they were still poor. They would fight and dad would leave. She would try to talk to him about the bills and he would just walk away.
Relationship to parents: I take care of my mom now, but it’s hard because I don’t have much and lots of it goes to her healthcare expenses. My wife is home with our son’s and I run a business. I feel we have a good relationship. Dad died years ago…. I never felt like I really knew him. It seemed like he worked really hard and then it killed him.
Charlies’s insights of his limiting beliefs
After working with Charlie through his statements, he got really emotional. He feared dying like his father and yet he felt like he was walking in his footsteps.
Charlie recognized his father’s drinking problem was a way of checking out of life and not wanting to see how bad things really were, so Charlie’s mom burdened a lot of the responsibility.
Charlie felt guilt for this and took better care of her and not himself. In fact, most of his money went to providing to her….including things she did not need or want but that he felt she should have.
As Charlie spoke, the tears began to flow, he sobbed and let it all out. He felt relief getting it off of his chest (something his father did not do and had a heart attack).
Charlie decided to move his mom into his home and have the nurses come there. This saved him tons of money and she was happier because all she wanted was to spend time with Charlie and her grandsons.
Charlie decided to get clear on what he really owed. He spent time digging making phone calls and looking closely over his finances. He told his wife…shaking and covering his eyes as he told her because of the shame that was surfacing.
She was understanding and proud of him for talking it out with her and working toward a solution. Amazingly he discovered a few repayment options that also saved him money and reduced his debt dramatically.
The biggest shift began when Charlie decided to see his debt differently, to let it represent a form of support for him. That money came at times when he needed it the most and it allowed him to go to school and focus on his education which became his business.
He felt gratitude seeing it this way, and this lifted even more of the burden from his mind and was then able to create a plan to lower his debt and save money.
Charlie felt such relief in becoming conscious and present to his finances as well. He made the connection that he was repeating the pattern of checking out, although not drinking, he still avoided looking at it, which was actually worse than discovering the truth.
Charlie has committed to staying present and clear making decisions, he now examines his emotions and created a new relationship to money.
Can you relate to any of Charlie’s story?
Keep an eye out for Aligning with Money: Lesson Three of Five!